You know, as a woman I am entirely too insecure.
Most know me as the 'comic relief' or jokester. Which I don't mind being, sometimes.

Lately I've been trying to get back into the groove of loving people & having them love me in return. Engaging in friendships that are risky or new. Investing & loving my already precious friends. Being someone more than the resident sarcastic commentator.

Putting myself out there, really.

I feel bizarre, like a middle schooler.
Wondering if the popular girls will like me.

I'm trying to grow out of this fear of serious rejection.
Trying is the key word here.

But I find it hard. Sometimes I wonder if I'm interesting enough, or fun enough, or rich enough, or...oh hell I don't know...just enough.

I have friends that forget to invite me over. I have friends who I make the effort. I have friends who are simply shitty friends. But lately, I've been listening to people around me, and for once, I really get it.

No one has idyllic friendships. Everyone loves ya. Everyone calls ya.
We all are stuck thinking we aren't enough to people sometimes.

I wonder if other women struggle with family befriending those we think they shouldn't.
I wonder if other women catch friends leaving you out of an invite....

Yes, they do.
I'm not special in that respect.

What makes me special is the way I laugh louder than any noise in a room at anytime.
I am special for the way I pretend to dance, always.
I am special for loving my deceased mother just the same as I did when she was here, maybe more.
I am special for always calling people, even if sometimes it's too much.
I am special for crying so easily.
People know these things...I've got to know them as well.

Anyways - thats my sap for the evening.
Here are some pictures.