happy happy

we had thanksgiving & it was a ball.
we had WAY too much food & laughed a lot.

im proud of myself.

im now ready for christmas.
im hosting 2 parties.
HOORAY!
girls gift exchage & my costume party.

we cannot get a tree until this friday - pray that all the huge ones arent gone.
we have 18 ft ceiling in our loft & i want to make the most of it.

that means new ornaments!! WOOOHOOO!
im so happy to have someone like eric to share the holidays with - he enjoys them just as much as i do :)

i cannot wait to tear into some decorating.

:D

You know, as a woman I am entirely too insecure.
Most know me as the 'comic relief' or jokester. Which I don't mind being, sometimes.

Lately I've been trying to get back into the groove of loving people & having them love me in return. Engaging in friendships that are risky or new. Investing & loving my already precious friends. Being someone more than the resident sarcastic commentator.

Putting myself out there, really.

I feel bizarre, like a middle schooler.
Wondering if the popular girls will like me.

I'm trying to grow out of this fear of serious rejection.
Trying is the key word here.

But I find it hard. Sometimes I wonder if I'm interesting enough, or fun enough, or rich enough, or...oh hell I don't know...just enough.

I have friends that forget to invite me over. I have friends who I make the effort. I have friends who are simply shitty friends. But lately, I've been listening to people around me, and for once, I really get it.

No one has idyllic friendships. Everyone loves ya. Everyone calls ya.
We all are stuck thinking we aren't enough to people sometimes.

I wonder if other women struggle with family befriending those we think they shouldn't.
I wonder if other women catch friends leaving you out of an invite....

Yes, they do.
I'm not special in that respect.

What makes me special is the way I laugh louder than any noise in a room at anytime.
I am special for the way I pretend to dance, always.
I am special for loving my deceased mother just the same as I did when she was here, maybe more.
I am special for always calling people, even if sometimes it's too much.
I am special for crying so easily.
People know these things...I've got to know them as well.

Anyways - thats my sap for the evening.
Here are some pictures.

is this real?

dear blank :
you make me sad & sick & angry & furious.
you make me want to yell and sceam and kick something.
you already had your turn.
go away.
love blank.

the end.
my day was good until now.
whoopty freakin doo.

okay.

Today has been a day that I wouldn't have minded sleeping through.

I woke up to discover something devastating.
Amelia peed in her crate...twice. AND ON THE FLOOR.
A can of mousse exploded in the bathroom.
And now my head hurts, my body aches, and my throat feels like an ant hill has set itself down in there.
Plus, my precious Eric is at work. I wish he were here to snuggle.

Anyways, I'm trying to be sane.

So I'll talk about what we found yesterday!
OUR ROOF!
It was so beautiful and quiet. I love being up so high above all the noise. I love my city & I love our loft.

And I love what I've been finding online for our new orleans wedding.
Honeymoon is so hard to figure out - where to go??!???!?! AHHHH
First step is the engagement...hahaha. :)

Happy week.
Love yallz

lofty lofty

we moved we moved!

as we speak im laying in the bed with new sheets and a fancy curtain to hide us from the evil sun.
and a handsome young man. heh heh heh.

im glad its holiday time.
im ready for casserole & dessert.

but im more ready for simply being around those peoples i love.

this is quick and probs pointless, but we havent had internet & i felt like i HAD to update youz.

:)